The effects rejection from an audition can have on your practice.

The effects rejection from an audition can have on your practice.

The Coronavirus pandemic tested us all in different ways but most importantly it tested our mental health and how we were able to control it at such a difficult time. It lead me to question what services are in place for a dancer and while there are many charities/hotlines for mental health in general I struggled to find one aimed specifically for people with/wanting to pursue a career in the ARTS. I have felt lost with what I wanted to do as I know dancing is a passion of mine but performing hasn't worked out for me due to various reasons. This new spark of interest has pointed me towards a career goal I desperately want to achieve and somewhere I can really see my practice going. I would love to be a councillor in a Performing Arts college or a Therapist (eventually) aimed specifically at people within this industry as I feel like it is something we are really lacking. I haven't felt passion like this in so long and as my practice has shifted into another direction I am excited for my journey to start.

During the pandemic, like many I took up a new career path in social media and marketing. With the knowledge I have gained from this role I am able to transfer my skills to advertise and target people in need of help. This is an example of having a Portfolio career. This is defined as having multiple careers at the same time and using your skillset to transfer to each job. I eventually would like to set up an online platform aimed at students/professionals in the ARTS to reach out and hopefully get the help they need.

Although the reason I want to research this isn't based on auditions as such I feel it where a series of mental health issues can start. Rejection (from an audition for example) might often contribute to pre-existing conditions such as stress and anxiety or lead to their development. Similarly, these and other mental health conditions can exacerbate feelings of rejection.

It was interesting to find MRI studies comparing the brain activity in people who had experienced rejection with brain activity of people who had experienced physical pain. They found that many of the same regions of the brain lit up. Subsequent research shows that taking acetaminophen (such as Tylenol) after experiencing rejection actually reduced how much pain people reported feeling and the brain scans showed neural pain signalling was lessened. It raised the question - Do we treat mental and physical pain the same in day to day life?

Most of the research I have done surrounding this topic has shed a negative light on this inquiry but I am interested in looking at the positive psychology of rejection and how it can build a stronger resilience. I touched base on this in my Module 1 essay with Martin Seligmans idea of the 3 P's. which is something that I have taken with me into my practice today. I would also like to dissect the casting process and look at audition culture. 

Below are questions I have surrounding this inquiry. Some of which I would really like to reword and use in my survey. As this can be a sensitive topic to discuss I am going to make my interviews anonymous this should allow the interviewee to really feel comfortable opening up around such serious topics of discussion. I have also thought about interviewing a casting director for their thoughts on the topic as it would give a different perspective however I think it would be less beneficial to what I want to find out from the inquiry.

1. Do casting directors have a duty of care for your mental health during and after an audition process?
2. What aftercare is given after an audition?
3. What resources are available for a dancer/performers mental health? 
4. Does the fear of rejection stop us from putting ourselves out there?
5. Has being rejected from an audition affected your mental health? If so was that feeling there before or was it developed through an audition experience?
6. What can we do to make auditions a safer environment?
7. Do you think feedback from an audition would be beneficial? 

This was a complete series of thoughts and felt really good to write down and digest as I go. Interested to hear some thoughts/discussion you may have around this!

A x

Focus 1

I would like to look at the impact "Survival Work" has on a professional dancers practice.

I feel I can't always give 100% to auditioning due to working other jobs to ultimately survive. For me attending an audition means taking unpaid leave from work, travelling into London to sometimes spend 45 minutes in an audition room. Other times I have been recalled often meaning I have to travel back into London the next day and call in sick to work. It means having to be unprofessional to your employer and consequently leaves you with a bad reputation which could result in losing your job. It is a hard work balance to achieve and one I think would benefit from change.

I am interested to see what groups of people this affects and whether there are any patterns between them. For example - Are the Arts structured towards certain socio economic groups? Should production companies contribute towards the cost of an audition? Would it be more beneficial to do all castings online first and then ask to see a selected few? Is that fair? Is it ethical? I would also like to look at the mental impact it can have on a professional dancer not being able to pursue their career fully due to other engagements they have to do in order to survive.

Research topics that sparked my interest:

• Survival is 'the state or fact of continuing to live or exist, typically in spite of an accident, ordeal, or difficult circumstances.' (Oxford Dictionary n.d)
• Survival Psychology (Leach, J. 1994)
  'Survival is a very personal and lonely thing'
  'Human Performance under hostile conditions cannot be explained solely within the realm of psychology'
  'Psychological conditions such as hunger and thirst and environmental conditions such as isolation and crowding, all play their part in a mans being'
  'Anyone who still suffers psychologically from its effect to the extent it interferes in their every day life's remains a victim'
• Auditioning Culture
  Audition meaning 'an interview for a role or job as a singer, actor, dancer or musician, consisting of a practical demonstration of the candidates suitability and skill' (Oxford Dictionary n.d)
  Culture meaning 1. 'the ideas, customs and social behaviour of a particular people or society'. 2. 'the arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively' (Oxford Dictionary n.d)
• Portfolio Careers 
  "A portfolio career is when you have multiple careers at the same time through part time, contract or freelance work. This means that instead of specialising in one industry, you specialise in a skillset and you apply that laterally across multiple industries." 
  So why might a portfolio career be perfect for the new-normal way of working? "In a post–Corona world, having a portfolio career will help us be more resilient because you have multiple sources of income rather than focusing on one in particular, which means if there are changes in one industry you are working in, that's okay, because you have several other jobs or opportunities lined up in another one." There are also lifestyle benefits to working in a portfolio career, "You sometimes get to do a more traditional job, but also use your more creative side of your brain alongside it, for example, I mentor somebody who is a doctor four days a week, but on Friday they work as a jewellery designer and sell their jewellery online." (BBC Bitesize 2021 https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/zktbn9q)

I haven't fully come up with an inquiry question as such yet, my focus is still quite large. I am looking forward to researching some more and really honing in on one point! 

FINDING A FOCUS...

Over the next few weeks I am going to be looking at completing a cycle to help shape my inquiry. The first step is Finding a Focus. 

Reading my essay from module 1 helped me identify parts of my practice I am really interested in and want to investigate further. At the moment I have two very different topics I would like to explore and discuss in my 1-1 with Sam. 

These are: 

1. The importance of Rejection in a Dancer: Confronting rejection was one of my AOL's in the first module. 
2. Benefits of dance in children: This was something I did a lot of research about prior but never discussed in my essay. I do not work/have my own children nor do I teach dance but is a topic I am very keen to look into more. I am not sure if it is something I can write about as I do not have any experience in this field. 

Something that grabbed me when reading the handbook was the term "survival work". For me this is working a 9-5 office job in order to pay my bills and generally live. It is ultimately what funds you to achieve your career within the ARTS. It resonated with me so I would also like to look around this as a term and see if I can cooperate it into an inquiry topic. 

It seems like a lot of work to do this module, I am feeling overwhelmed but excited to get stuck in at the same time. Module 2 here we go!

Module T W O

After what seems like the busiest couple of months with work, starting new contracts and socialising it feels good to finally sit down and start Module 2. Being back at work full time and studying is going to be a struggle so setting time aside and being strict with a schedule is a must for me this module. As Time Management was an AOL for me in Module 1 I have learnt about the importance of work life balance so would like to take this on board throughout this module. 

POA for this week - Read and annotate the handbook!!!

Looking forward to having a chat with my tutor Sam in the next couple of weeks about feedback from last module and what this course holds for the next term. 

Hope everyone has had a great summer.

Abigail x

Advice for Module 1's

 The things I wish I knew...

I thought it would be helpful to do a post not only to help anyone new on the BAPP course but to refresh some key tips that I can take into module two. 

❤  When reading the handbook don't worry if you don't understand things, research words/explore theories 

❤ All the information you need is in the module handbook as well as on past and current students blogs. I found it super helpful to read and discuss what other people were thinking. It helped sparked new ideas. Be open and honest the more you share the more discussion and new ideas you get out of it. I messaged so many people on the course for help - you will be surprised at how many people are in the same boat as you!

Lastly, this course is all about your personal journey and experiences. All information is relevant - past and present. It is so overwhelming to start, I remember thinking "I am so out of my depth here" but once you pass a few barriers it becomes a lot clearer.

Good Luck everyone! X

FIRST DRAFT ✅

After having an extremely busy March I have finally been able to sit down and write my essay. The first draft is written up and ready to be checked with a fresh brain over the weekend. It feels like such a great achievement to have this done after a couple of weeks of struggling to fit in Uni work around a hectic work schedule. It actually sparked my last AOL which is 'Learning to manage my time'. Ironic really!

As the legendary dancer-choreographer Merce Cunningham once said, “You have to love dancing to stick to it. It gives you nothing back, no manuscripts to store away, no paintings to show on walls and maybe hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that single fleeting moment when you feel alive.” This quote in particular has helped me realise how much as performers we invest in our Art. It takes a lot of time to get to where we want. We miss out on social events because our working hours are unsociable. Some of us give up our whole lives to try for this industry. Its sad to note that there is sometimes an age limit that comes with dancing. Our bodies will give up on us and we wont be able to perform high energy shows twice daily. We can only perform for a limited time before our practice takes another turn. 

I'm feeling really positive after reflecting on my own practice and areas of learning. In a way it has made me get to know myself better and understand why I am the way I am today. Writing the essay for module 1 has really allowed me to grow as a person. 

Over the Easter Break, I am going to start looking at the diagram and noting down different ideas that I would like to include in that. I am looking forward to hearing how you all have been getting on. 

Happy Bank Holiday Weekend! 

Abi x

Being in the right place at the right time🎲

Looking at my practice I have realised that the saying ‘it’s who you know not what you know” has never been more relevant. Sometimes knowing someone high-up in the industry can lead to better job opportunities, inside knowledge of how a particular audition is going to work or being given the best advice on what classes to attend. But is having this guidance fair to the other artists around you? Is everyone being given an equal opportunity to participate and succeed? What chance does this leave the rest of us in the audition room?

I wanted to look at how many people in the arts industry became successful through chance and 'being in the right place at the time'. You only have to look at Justin Bieber being scouted by Usher through you tube. What were the chances?! What if he wasn't on you tube that day and time? Would he have scouted someone different? Would Justin Bieber still be famous? Having this stroke of luck by chance means you are in the best position/place to take advantage of an opportunity. But how do you teach yourself to be in the right place at the right time? In short you can't because you have no idea when that time may be. Seth Simons wrote an article "How to be in the right place at the right time more often" he gave three ways in which you can help improve your chances. 

1. Proximity "You cannot catch a fish without being near the water" or in our case "You cannot land your dream role without attending the audition". You can put yourself in the right place at the right time more often by identifying an area in which you have the necessary skills and knowledge to capitalise on sudden opportunities. 
2. Practice - "The fish not caught on the first try is larger when finally caught" In every case, the practice that precedes the instance of 'luck' is just as important as the crowning moment itself. Have you given up on your practice only to wonder why you're not improving in your field and experiencing the same luck as others? What steps can you take today in order to hone in your senses and polish your skills so the next opportunity can be turned into a lucky moment? 
3. Persistance "If you do not fish often, the fish have little chance to bite" Being in the right place at the right time involves in being in a lot of places at a lot of times that might seem inconvenient or even painful. 

By using the idea of proximity to opportunities and following through with practice and persistence could I too become lucky and increase my chance of chance? Is actively participating in my discipline and practice enough to improve my chance? 

I have been lucky to have had experienced the idea of chance in a really positive way. I posted a video online which got 13.6 million views for a fashion business. It resulted in a lot of new opportunities in social media and marketing. Ultimately leading me down a different path away from dance which gave me a lower chance of succeeding in this industry as I was no longer actively participating. The video going viral was completely by chance and something I had no control over. Which lead me to think about how little control I have over my life as a dancer. I can't control the casting directors mind into picking me for a job, I can't control auditions processes and I can't control what everyone around me is doing.

I wanted to use chance as an area of learning in my essay but am unsure on what my area of learning would actually be? Could it be planning for a situation that is out of my control? For example when something goes wrong on stage? What can you learn from being in a situation that is completely out of your control? How to contend with something I will never have control over? How to respond to chance? The understanding that chance has had a positive effect on me where videos online have gone viral and allowed me new job opportunities? 

So many thoughts and questions - I would love to hear your experiences of chance and maybe some thoughts into helping me establish what my AOL could be around this as am struggling to use it in context. 

Abi x

References: 

• "How to be in the right place at the right time more often" Simon Seth https://www.lifehack.org/articles/featured/how-to-be-in-the-right-place-at-the-right-time-more-often.html

The Power of Collective Intelligence

Being on a distance course it can sometimes feel like you are alone on your journey. I think it is important to remember that we have a great BAPP community around us and it sometimes just takes initiating a conversation to realise that they are feeling exactly the same. It was so helpful hearing and speaking with other students on my module today. It really helped me navigate my own thoughts to pinpointing one particular area of learning and not keeping it so broad. I think I finally understand what people have meant in discussion meetings now about this. For example I wanted to speak about communication as a generalised area of learning but there is so much surrounding this - intrapersonal communication, non verbal communication, communication between a teacher and student, communication between different cultures - the list is endless! I now understand that it is okay to acknowledge all types of communication in my essay but only unpack one of the topics to a deeper level. 

What I am trying to say is having a conversation with other people really helped me articulate my own ideas, spark new thoughts and ultimately lead me to a shift in what I wanted to speak about in my essay. It made me feel like I am not alone and starting a conversation isn't as scary as you think. The collective intelligence of us all is something really powerful. I am looking forward to learning and maybe sometimes feeling confused with you all as our journey continues.

Love

Abi x

PS- HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMENS DAY❤️

Intrapersonal Communication

An area of learning I would really like to focus on is how Intrapersonal Communication is very much a huge part of my practice today especially in the form of self-rejection. Looking at how it has been detrimental to my mental health but also exploring ways I have coped and implemented new practices into this area of learning. 

Intrapersonal communication can be defined as ‘communication with one’s self, and that may include self-talk, acts of imagination and visualization, and even recall and memory’ (McLean, S., 2005). Unlike interpersonal communication where two or more people exchange ideas you are solely relying on yourself for conversation. Intrapersonal communications allow you to learn through and from experience towards gaining new insights of self and/or practice (Boud et al 1985; Boyd and Fales, 1983; Mezirow, 1981, Jarvis, 1992) in other words reflective practice. From planning to problem solving, internal conflict, resolution and evaluations, and judgement of self and others, we communicate with ourselves through intrapersonal communication. All of this interaction takes place in the mind without externilasiation and all of it relies on previous interaction with the external world. Your language and culture have giving you the means to rationalise and act but you are still bound by the expectations of yourself and the others who make up your community.   

 Intrapersonal communication is made up of three key elements 

1.     Self-concept: evaluating ones owns beliefs, values and attitudes and how that evaluation plays into what occurs in the outer world. 

2.     Perception: how people interpret what is going on around them. Perception can influence intrapersonal communication. 

3.     Expectation: expectations are based upon intrapersonal communication with ones own self and are predictions of what will happen based on perceptions of what has happened. 

 

Taking this and looking at my own experiences with intrapersonal communication I am able to pinpoint how I have self-sabotaged myself through the fear of being rejected. For-example not attending auditions after comparing myself to peers/people on web 2.0 platforms and telling myself I wasn’t good enough. Not only did this affect me getting dance jobs but it is something I took into daily tasks like putting creative idea’s forward at work. I was using critical reflection negatively as I was seeing reflection as a ‘constant strive for self improvement’ which ‘lead to feelings of self disapproval and self rejection’ (Quinn 1988/2000).

An experience that I still find challenging is queuing up for an audition. Straight off the bat I find myself comparing what I look like and my talent to the others around me. I was already in my own head before I had even walked through the door. Self-sabotaging and already in a negative mindset. How was I ever going to audition at the best of my ability when I had an ongoing battle in my head? 

Reflecting on audition experiences and rejection I have learnt ways to try and help me stay focused on what I am there to achieve. Instead of looking at the other people in the queue I now ask myself why I am here. I go over what I want from the audition and think of ways to get me there. Like John Dewey’s (1933) theory suggests there are three concepts - I stay open-minded and listen to what the choreographer/casting agent wants. I take responsibility for my actions if something goes wrong or if something goes right and I always stay whole hearted to my practice. Giving it everything I have got, focusing all of my energy on the audition. 

References: 

• McLean, S., 2005 - Intrapersonal communication definition 
• Boud et al 1985; Boyd and Fales, 1983; Mezirow, 1981, Jarvis, 1992 - ideas on reflective practice
• Quinn 1988/2000 
• John Dewey 1933 

3 fuzzy areas

After having a complete mental block and feeling like I didn't understand anything I have used the time to reflect on what I have learnt and what I am still learning from my practice. Trying to pinpoint a generalised area of learning has been the hardest thing but I think I am getting there. I have been looking at my areas of learning one at a time and trying to research literature and theories behind them. So far I have one area of learning researched - yay! It is amazing how much I have found and want to use in my essay but reading past students blogs I have noted not to go off on a tangent and stick to your point so this is something I am actively trying to take on board. I have booked a 1-1 with Dr Sam to discuss my ideas and check I am on the right page. Fingers crossed. 

A great exercise that helped me discover my areas of learning was from the Module 1 handbook:

1. Start by making a list of things you have learnt 
2. What was the situation you first remember the lesson being learnt? 
3. How did it change what you do now? 
4. How have I transferred the learning to other areas or situations? 

They gave the example of:

1. Having to perform with a sprained ankle
2. Learning how to care for my ankles
3. Changed the way I warmed up and took more care preparing 
4. Transferred the idea of taking the time to prepare properly when I had an interview

Generalising this experience to two areas of learning: 

1. Preparing for important events 
2. Injury prevention

I am still struggling to pinpoint my learning to a generalised area but I am hoping this will become clearer after my 1-1. At the moment I have three fuzzy areas of what my learning could be:

1. The Fear of Rejection 
2. Communication and Language 
3. Relationships 

Will hopefully be able to articulate and write about these ideas further after I check I am on the right path! 

Plan of action for this week:

• Go back through the handbook and link theories to my areas of learning 
• Research and look further into Areas of Learning 2 and 3
• Constantly push to unpack thoughts and reveal a generalised area of learning 
• Map out how I want my essay to look 
• Prepare to start writing 

Hope everyone is doing okay, check in soon.

Abi x

References: 

• Module 1 handbook 

My Pending Practice

After the Module 1 zoom call this week I thought about the number of blogs I could write A) Pretend I have it all together and that I understand everything that was said B) Write about what we discussed in the meeting as a summary or C) Admit I still don't know what my practice and areas of learning are AT ALL. I went with C. 

When the zoom call was taking place I felt panicked, out of my depth and was overthinking all the work I had done prior to the meeting. I let myself feel I was wrong. I had an overwhelming sense of self doubt. I came away questioning what is my practice and how do I learn? Something I thought I had sussed out. I didn't realise that the call actually helped me in so many ways. I was able to reflect on what made me feel this way throughout the call linking it back to prior experiences. In college having to deal with being surrounded by favouritism, being knocked back at auditions, not being picked out in class, the pressure of looking a certain way. And how it lead to me becoming very internal and detached from dance not being able to put out ideas anymore, not being able to choreograph or ask for help. And how I take that into my job in customer service and social media - never wanting to fail my employee by coming to work looking scruffy, not being able to be as creative as I would like, not satisfying a customer and getting a complaint. It is all fear of REJECTION and being WRONG. What I didn't realise was that by being rejected in one way or another I have something to push against. I am able to learn through rejection. 

I think this can also link to a prior blog I have wrote about feeling the pressure to post things others deem as perfect on Web 2.0 platforms and not feeling validated or fulfilled when it doesn't get a reaction. Is this the fear of feeling rejected within our society as well my jobs and personal life? 

I went on to ask myself what I have learnt from these situations and how they can be applied to my practice now. Which made me realise that at the moment an area of my practice is practicing positive mental health. My practice is a tool for my future development.

Some things I took from the meeting was:

1. I was so wrong at what I thought my practice was - DANCE is my DISCIPLINE 
2. My practice can be ANYTHING I see it as 
3. I need to look more into finding specific memories and using reflection to look critically. Do I feel something from this experience? Where did it come from? Why? 
4. UNPACK everything from my professional life and my personal life. What are my transferable skills?
5. Stop comparing myself to how far ahead I think others are of me. We are all on the same journey but we all take different roads to get there.

I learnt a lot by listening to others and what their opinion was. I think a tip to take into my next discussion is to put forward my idea regardless of how I am feeling internally.

Would love to hear more about what others have found from their practice and areas of learning,

Love Abi x